Articles From Our April, 2001 Newsletter

Helma Hawkins, Director of Youth Services for the Kansas City Public Library, and a member of our own PFLAG chapter, will present the program on April 8. She'll be sharing about some of the newest books of interest to the PFLAG community.

GLBT literature for kids is at last coming firmly into its own, according to Nancy Garden, author of Annie On My Mind which was burned right here in Kansas City in 1993. Information about Garden and many other authors is included in an exciting new resource for the GLBT community as well as for librarians, Lesbian and Gay Voices: An Annotated Bibliography and Guide to Literature for Children and Young Adults. This invaluable book is written by Frances Ann Day with a forward by Nancy Garden.

Another powerful new book is An American Family by Jon and Michael Galluccio, a gay couple who become foster parents to Adam, a premature baby born with the AIDS virus and addicted to crack, heroin, marijuana and alcohol. When they try to adopt Adam and have to fight for their son in the courts, they set a precedent for all unmarried couples in New Jersey. What makes a family? Love makes a family!

The finalists have been announced for the 13th annual Lambda Literary Awards; categories for this award include gay poetry, lesbian mystery, gay studies, spirituality/religion, transgender and children/Young Adult.

Come join us on the 8th of April at 3pm and hear Helma share with us some interesting perspectives on what is going on in the field of recent literature relating to the glbt community.

Here is the new address and phone number for National PFLAG:

1726 M Street, NW
Washington, DC 20036

Phone: 202-467-8180
Fax: 202-467-8194

Please make note of the phone number as well because the phone company no longer has a recording on the old phone number which directs callers to the new phone number.

From Our President

I want to share with you a gay-related theater experience I enjoyed a couple of weeks ago. A friend invited me to attend the New Theater, the dinner theater in Johnson County. I looked forward to an evening with friends and anticipated a theater event that would be a trivial bit of nonsensical fluff. The play was "Norman, Come Home" starring Don Knotts.

The curtain went up and after a few minutes, to my delight and surprise, I realized that this was a gay-themed play. It was about a gay man, Norman, and his partner coming out to Norman's parents. The play was charming and funny, addressing many myths, stereotypes and clichés about gays, in a humorous manner. At first Norman's father, played by Don Knotts, was typically homophobic, unwilling to accept his son's homosexuality. He slowly came to acknowledge and tolerate his son's gayness if not welcoming it. Norman's mother was much more loving and embracing. The play was filled with campy humor, puns on gay issues and the very real emotions that many of us feel when our children come out.

I was further amazed and pleased at the audience's positive and enthusiastic response. After all, the New Theater does attract older, conservative theatergoers. In fact, to me, the theater resembled a Republican convention - elderly, white, and conservative. But, clearly, they appreciated the play, responding with a resounding ovation. On leaving the theater, I overheard people commenting on how much they enjoyed it.

So, is this yet another example of glbt life, culture and issues becoming an accepted part of mainstream middle-American life? I wonder. Certainly more and more film, television, theater, and art reflect the presence and consciousness of glbt people and culture. This is to be celebrated and enjoyed. At the same time, challenges to lgbt human and civil rights by right wing groups are increasing around the country. The results of the legal challenges are mixed which means that the work of PFLAG is important and ongoing.

Those of you who live and vote in Missouri, please contact your State Senators and Representatives to support Senate Bill 452 and House Bill 712 which extend the existing Missouri Human Rights Statute to include lgbt people. It prohibits discrimination related to employment, disability, and housing.

Helen Cohen

FAMILY EXPERTS

www.hrc.org/familynet

Can a couple from a hostile state go to a gay-friendly state to adopt? How can you cut inheritance taxes for your partner? What is the best way to help a teen-ager adjust to a newly "out" mom? How can you or your employer start a gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender employee group? How should lesbians protect themselves from HIV/AIDS?

These are tough questions, and most lawyers, doctors and other professionals don't have the answers. But experts are available...on the Internet, and all in one place. See the address in the headline above. Experts available to answer your questions include:

Charlotte Patterson, professor of psychology ...University of Virginia
Jimmy Creech, Ex-Methodist Minister who defied church law on holy unions
Kirsten Kingdon, ex. director of PFLAG

and many more...28 in all.

Go to www.hrc.org/familynet, and click on Town Square, then Ask the Experts

By GARY HENDERSON, Staff Writer

Rhea Murray had suspected her son was gay for a long time. Though she knew little about such things, Murray thought the signs of her son's sexual orientation were too obvious to ignore. From the time he was a boy, Bruce Murray cared little about rough-and-tumble boys' play. Sometimes his mannerisms seemed effeminate, and at times, he displayed a persona that seemed more like a girl than a preadolescent elementary school boy. Yet, the day 13-year-old Bruce Murray walked into his mother's kitchen and said, "Mom, I'm gay," was one of the most frightful days of the Indiana woman's life. "I was terrified," Murray said. "Even when I was an expectant mother, I wondered how a family would deal with something like this. "Murray's answer was not long in coming. She said the minister of her church in the Southern Indiana town of Seymour helped spread the news by telling some members of his congregation in a small town of only 17,000 people. "Our pastor told me he didn't think any church would accept us as a family any longer," Murray said. After that incident with her pastor, Murray and her family withdrew from the church and began traveling to a nearby forest preserve on Sundays, using the natural setting as a place of family worship. Today, however, Murray and her husband, Butch, are welcomed members of an Episcopal church. "The first Sunday, I told the pastor, 'Our son is gay and I want to know if we'll be accepted,' " Murray recalled. Immediately the church rector said yes. "I didn't want to take many Sundays to find out." At a local PFLAG meeting Murray shared her family's story of a nine-year journey that has been full of physical attacks against Bruce, death threats and the loss of friends and family. Joyce Harrison, facilitator for PFLAG's meetings in Spartanburg, said Murray's visit was part of a plan to make people aware of the organization's presence in the community. "Many (parents and friends) suffer in silence without access to reliable information or support," Harrison said. "The sharing and support that occurs at PFLAG meetings helps people to understand and have patience with the process of accepting their own or their loved one's sexual orientation." Harrison says people can be assured of confidentiality if they contact the organization for information or times and location of PFLAG's monthly meetings. Murray said PFLAG helped her address her son's sexuality "outside the role of a victim. "If they feel any discomfort in you, they're like sharks that smell blood," Murray said. Bruce's kitchen admission of his homosexuality followed several physical attacks that put him in a deep state of depression. Murray said her decision to accept Bruce, regardless of his sexual orientation, saved his life. "He told me later he was planning suicide," Murray said. "I felt both empathy and anger to know people wanted my child dead just because he is a homosexual." One such message left on the family's answering machine threatened Bruce with sexual torture and beheading. Murray later told her husband Butch, a diesel-engine technician, what Bruce had said. "Butch said, 'All I know, Bruce is a good boy. I fear how the world will treat him,'" Murray recalled in an interview from her home. Murray said her husband's continued expression of love for Bruce helped keep their family together in the face of revelations that have destroyed others." I know several women who had to choose between their gay sons and their husbands," Murray said. "Butch lost most of his side of the family." Murray said many people she's met seemed to think their children are an extension of themselves." That's why they ask, 'What will people think of me?'" Murray said. A few days after Murray spoke to her husband, Butch Murray told his son, "I know (about your homosexuality) and I'll still be here for you. I love you." Bruce is now 22. The Murrays backed that first affirmation of their support by never backing away when they've been asked about his sexuality. Murray acknowledges she has concerns about AIDS, but no more than she would have if Bruce were in a heterosexual relationship." I have no more fear for him than I would anyone who has unprotected sex," Murray said. Rhea Murray has gained national attention for her PFLAG affiliation, and acts as a spokeswoman for the organization. She and Bruce have testified before congressional hearings related to hate crimes, and the problems faced by the country's gay and lesbian population."

Many of my childhood friends have 'come out' to me as an adult, since I started this," Murray said. Murray details her family loss of friends, family and church life in the book "A Journey to Moriah." She said the book is so titled because she, like Abraham in Genesis, Chapter 22, was asked to sacrifice her son. At the time of the revelation to his parents, Bruce was active with his church youth group, played hand bells for worship services and assisted in the nursery." I tried to deny I was homosexual," Bruce said by phone from his home. "I'd often go to my church sanctuary and get on my knees, praying that God would make the feelings I had go away. They never did. What came to me in the silence was a realization of who I am." Bruce said the "feelings" that he later realized were his sexuality, began early in his life, void of experience." I didn't choose this," Bruce said. "In fact, I was still a virgin when I came out." Fearing for Bruce's safety, the Murrays pulled him from public school and began a home-schooling program." Without my parents support, I'd have never gotten through high school," Bruce said. "I had to decide which would cause (my parents) more pain -- my suicide or knowing I was gay."

Gary Henderson can be reached at
gary.henderson@shj.com
or 582-4511, Ext. 7230.

Passover seder

Hello all - Passages is having a Passover seder on Sunday, April 8 at 7:00PM (after the PFLAG meeting). There will be about 30 kids. If you're interested in attending a seder with Passages and/or bringing food, let me know. Passover is my favorite freedom celebration.

Love, Helen

Thought you all might find this piece from the April Reader's Digest enlightening.

MASSACHUSETTS -- A judge has ruled that a 15-year old boy -- barred from school for wearing girls' clothing, including padded bras, wigs and high heels -- can return to class. The teenager had been suspended three times for using the girls restroom, according to an attorney for Brockton's South Junior High School.

A therapist diagnosed the boy with gender identity disorder. Requiring him to wear male clothing, according to the therapist, could harm his mental health.

Judge Linda Giles wrote that the school's prohibition amounted to "the stifling of plaintiff's selfhood merely because it causes some members of the community discomfort."

PFLAG SUPPORTS REAL FAMILY VALUES