Articles From Our Newsletter

PFLAG's Annual Celebration is Here
December 10, 2006

Its time once again for our annual holiday pot luck at PFLAG/KC. It’s a festive time so bring some festive snack food to share with the group. PFLAG will NOT be providing a deli tray and rolls, so let’s all pitch in. It’ll be great fun!!......as usual.

The festivities will begin at 3:00 PM on Sunday, December 10th at the regular place, Room 307 at Village Presbyterian Church, 6641 Mission Rd. Come join us and bring your loved ones along. It will be a typical PFLAG great time of celebration, good food and fellowship.

From Our President

Happy Holidays Everyone!!!
We have had one amazing year, and the last few months have been a whirlwind of activity. The taco dinner with Passages was late enough in October that we haven't had a chance to say how much fun we had….the kids always manage to open up to us even though we are virtual strangers….PFLAG sets the tone for the evening simply by allowing them to be genuine. Hats off and a big thank you to Randy for putting it all together.

We moved right into the Creating Change Conference (Nov. 9-12th). Local PFLAGers staffed a table for four days, provided food for the youth and elder hospitality suites on Friday night, and volunteered in countless other ways. One of the scheduled workshops was an actual PFLAG meeting that we did in conjunction with some of the folks from the national office. I know hearts were touched in a very real way. We were also asked to participate in another workshop that was geared toward discussing the importance of family voices in the fight for equality where our loved ones are concerned. I personally spoke with several of the attendees afterwards—one young man actually dragged the two women who were signing for him back to the PFLAG table so we could talk some more :o) There were many at the conference that stopped by the table just to say how grateful they were for our presence there. I marveled at how many university students I met from all over the country—and at their willingness to work for social justice. So, the big question is…was change created? Indeed it was. If nothing else, I think WE are more committed to the mission of PFLAG.

So…then we arrive at thanksgiving weekend….and the big event. The tree we donated to the Heartland Men’s Chorus for their fundraiser would be auctioned off. Many of us attended that event as well. The first tree up for bid was snagged by a savvy PFLAG mom….then others were put on the block. We waited nervously, while enjoying a glass of wine and some fancy food, the fate of our tree. Knowing what it was worth, I gave the opening bid. When it looked as if the auctioneer was going to let it go for $150, I jumped to my feet (emboldened by the wine, no doubt). Flo graciously stepped aside to let me plead our case. I explained that each ornament was handmade by a PFLAG mom who loved their gay kid(s). Immediately, I heard someone say two hundred, then two twenty-five, then two fifty….sold! for $250!. Yeah team…I’m always willing to make a fool of myself for a good cause—especially when I seem to do it so easily for no good reason!

I will miss being with you all to celebrate the holiday season potluck.—
Richard and I will be at Truman State University that afternoon to see our
daughter’s first concert choir performance.

As we enter the new year, I wish you hearts full of joy and peace. Our work is not finished, so come back refreshed!

Unfortunately, there are times when a GLBT person’s sexual orientation or gender identity may be exposed without his or her knowledge or consent. Most GLBT people prefer to come out in their own ways and in their own time. “Outing” takes the decision-making out of the individual’s hands, which can be painful and awkward for everyone involved. If someone has not chosen to come out to you, do not assume that he or she does not trust or care for you. The person may have simply not been ready, or may have still been coming to terms with his or her own sexual orientation or gender identity.

Showing your support, acceptance and respect for a GLBT person who has been outed can help the healing process and may help both of you to build a stronger, more genuine relationship.

Typically, straight people who have just had someone come out to them report feeling:

Honored that someone has chosen you to entrust this revelation:
“It was a cool moment. I’ll remember it for the rest of my life. You only share something like this with people who matter.”

— Sharon, a sister, Wyoming

Admiration for courage and honesty:
“I am proud of him because he is choosing to live his life his way.”

— Dan, a friend, Illinois

Accepting and wanting to move on:
“You shouldn’t build a relationship on whether you are gay or straight. True friendship is not based on that.”

— Chris, a college friend, Idaho

Curious about what life is like for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people:
“Why? How? You ask those questions.”

— Brandon, a dad, Oregon

Apprehension or discomfort:
“The unknown causes you to pull back.”

— Donna, a co-worker, Florida

Disapproval of the perceived “gay lifestyle:”
“I never ask him about it — I don’t accept it.”

— Steve, an uncle, Maine

Anxiety for the well-being of your gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender friend or family member:
“What are you supposed to do? How are we supposed to act? I get angry at how the world will treat him.”

— Amy, a mom, Texas

It is normal to feel many of these seemingly contradictory emotions at once, leaving you uncertain.

Feeling uncertain doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t mean you are homophobic or transphobic. It does mean that you should take the time to work through your feelings so that you can support your friend, loved one or acquaintance without reservation. You don’t have to bottle up your emotions for fear of saying the wrong thing. Use them as the basis for an honest conversation. Ask the questions you need to ask. Have a real talk. And when it’s over, you’re likely to find that your relationship is stronger and richer than ever. It is normal to feel a little awkward, or be a little afraid of saying the “wrong thing” and making it “weird.”

Ask Respectful Questions to Show You Are Interested
¦ When did you know?
¦ What was it like growing up?
¦ What kind of relationship would you ideally hope for in your life?

Be Honest
¦ Tell your friend this is new for you — and if you feel awkward, say so.
¦ Ask your relative to be honest with you about what you say or do that may make him or her uncomfortable.
¦ Tell your acquaintance if he or she does or says something that makes you uncomfortable.
¦ Be as open and honest as you would like your co-worker to be with you.
¦ Ask the “dumb questions.”

Laugh a Little.
Humor helps break the ice, if it’s done gently and respectfully. As long as you’re sure that you’re laughing with people, and not at them — feel free to bring a little humor to the conversation.